When my life changed forever

I woke up on July 4, 2007 and my life was not the same. I was in the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole entire life.  My lower back and legs hurt and I could hardly walk. I made myself go to a friends for dinner and pretended everything was okay, while really I was in the worst pain the whole time and wanted to cry!  My doctor was out of town so I had to go to the ER which was no help. When she returned I was scheduled for an MRI on Tuesday got the results on a Wednesday, sent to a neurosurgeon on Thursday and emergency surgery on Monday.  I had lost the use of my right leg and really struggled to walk. I had a lumbar laminectomy. It took me a while to recover from this. I had a lot of nerve damage and only time would tell if that would come back. 6 months later I went bone on bone.  I had to have another surgery a spinal fusion. Recovery from this was long and hard. I went through years of struggles. The nerve damage was so bad that I never regained the use of my right leg fully.  I tried to work after I had my fusion and it was not possible. I would go to work and do my job which they were great they even bought me a nice fancy chair,  but I still would come home and have to crawl into bed.  Erik would bring me dinner in bed and the kids would come up and sit with me in bed. Erik is an amazing husband that truly stepped up and did things for me that we never thought we would do until we were a lot older. He has taken wonderful care of me. I will tell you more about that maybe another time. Erik and I knew it was time for me to stop working, but this was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I knew that my body could not do it anymore, but I loved to work. I miss it every day but I knew that God had a plan and that was to be with my kids, and family.  I have had many of rough times and your emotions are a huge part of all this. One of the hardest things was finding the right doctor, but I did not give up on finding that right doctor to help me. 10 years later I pray that I am finally on the right path. At times I did not know if I was going to find that doctor. I had doctors that would only want to medicate and injections.  I had doctors that would not even listen to what I am saying. I think that is one of the things that I have learned from all this is how to deal with doctors and we will talk about that in another blog, but my point is finding that doctor that will listen and help.  In all of this I kind of lost my happy. My life changed forever, I will never walk the same, I never got to pick up my son again, I did not have a job anymore. What is my purpose in life? I know I am a mom, but am I a good mom, I am in pain 24/7 I have to miss things and in bed and hurt to be touched. So the good old depression and anxiety sit in….. Oh am I a good wife?? What does everyone think? I was angry very angry about all of this. I could go on and on….. I had a pity party for a long time.  It does not define me anymore. My health is not going to hold me down or control me anymore. I have let it go. I sometimes still have a bad day! Is that ok yes. I mean hello I have brain issues I think we deserve it. Just don’t get stuck on having them all the time! Have your moment, pity party, or whatever you call it then move on. It is easy to get stuck.  My goal is to help people who are struggling with similar situations. To share my journey.  Please know that I am here to help! My journey is not over. My goal is to be happy and to make my home and my family happy. To share love and kindness. I have found happiness with my dogs. I have 2 dogs Bentley our Lab she is an old girls she sat with me through all me back stuff. She sits at the foot of the bed. We now have a little dog named Georgia and she is my buddy. She does not leave my side much and she has been so wonderful for me. My kids and how they love band and I am so proud of what they do. Our new home I am so grateful we have a new home that makes us all happy as a family. My husband he works so hard for our family.  So sometimes when your life is filled with pain you get stuck. We need to look around and find those little things that can make you happy! What are yours???  #MYHAPPY

I wanted to share a little about were my health journey started. It has been a long road, but I am so grateful for an awesome family and friends for support. I look forward to sharing more with each of you and growing along the way. HAVE A GREAT DAY! SHARE SOME HAPPINESS WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY! #MYHAPPY

Ashley

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